thank you ian. we've been discussing this with our kiddies lately as one of them is a "dobber" and we want them to build trust and sibling rapport between them. do you have thoughts on this with raising your brood?
Oh my mate....do you have a few days to discuss? 🙂. For me the essence is that kids will have differing capacity to understand and act upon the traits of the essence of trust. It is a one step forward two steps back process I think, with the most critical thing being that they see we as parents model the skills with each other and each one of them. To be frank...there may be times when the eldest wants to beat the shit out of his next brother...it is a learning thing for each of them. First we break it up...then we speak with each of them in a way that models how important they are...what some of the options might be, other than a fight...and set the boundary (integrity)..."you don't get to hit him". Depending on their age they are not going to handle a lecture or speech...well they are never going to want a lecture...so it is a piece by piece process...small wins, small losses...constant patience from the grown ups.
haha i would make space to discuss over a few days. "kids will have differing capacity to understand and act upon the traits of the essence of trust" -- this is key! thank you :))
A thought on "dobbers" .... kids dob on each other to find a way to either do the right thing, or exert some influence over a sibling. It is not mature behaviour, but kids are kids not adults. I think so often their behaviour is a call out to parents..."does this behaviour work?". I don't know how old your children are, but we had four boys and two girls. Complex mob...constantly trying to figure out dynamics with each other, particularly because they were all close in age. In retrospect they were often just setting up a flag in some behaviours to see if that way worked or not. Often the parents are the ones to help them understand if the behaviour would be effective or not. Some of the feedback they get from their siblings or school mates is direct and strong, but not mature. I reckon we parents just need to be the grown ups in the room...not perfect...but a stable point...consistent.
Thanks for the specifics guiding both the inner journey and the outer work of trust. I find this so helpful for me personally to lean into my life and into the challenges we face together. Thanks, Ian!
thank you ian. we've been discussing this with our kiddies lately as one of them is a "dobber" and we want them to build trust and sibling rapport between them. do you have thoughts on this with raising your brood?
Oh my mate....do you have a few days to discuss? 🙂. For me the essence is that kids will have differing capacity to understand and act upon the traits of the essence of trust. It is a one step forward two steps back process I think, with the most critical thing being that they see we as parents model the skills with each other and each one of them. To be frank...there may be times when the eldest wants to beat the shit out of his next brother...it is a learning thing for each of them. First we break it up...then we speak with each of them in a way that models how important they are...what some of the options might be, other than a fight...and set the boundary (integrity)..."you don't get to hit him". Depending on their age they are not going to handle a lecture or speech...well they are never going to want a lecture...so it is a piece by piece process...small wins, small losses...constant patience from the grown ups.
haha i would make space to discuss over a few days. "kids will have differing capacity to understand and act upon the traits of the essence of trust" -- this is key! thank you :))
A thought on "dobbers" .... kids dob on each other to find a way to either do the right thing, or exert some influence over a sibling. It is not mature behaviour, but kids are kids not adults. I think so often their behaviour is a call out to parents..."does this behaviour work?". I don't know how old your children are, but we had four boys and two girls. Complex mob...constantly trying to figure out dynamics with each other, particularly because they were all close in age. In retrospect they were often just setting up a flag in some behaviours to see if that way worked or not. Often the parents are the ones to help them understand if the behaviour would be effective or not. Some of the feedback they get from their siblings or school mates is direct and strong, but not mature. I reckon we parents just need to be the grown ups in the room...not perfect...but a stable point...consistent.
Thanks for the specifics guiding both the inner journey and the outer work of trust. I find this so helpful for me personally to lean into my life and into the challenges we face together. Thanks, Ian!
Thanks Hans…bless you mate.
Thank you Hans. Blessings to you mate.